Is corporate affairs fit for purpose?

Another week, another report on corporate affairs. (Do you guys never tire of reading about your function? No? Well, that’s good news for me, I suppose!)

This time it’s the turn of the Oxford-GlobeScan Global Corporate Affairs Survey Report, which has ‘captured the views and insights’ of 294 senior professionals, across 51 countries.

Geopolitics remains the most significant risk to business, as it has been for the past seven years, with 76 per cent of respondents putting it top of the list. But the nature of that risk is changing. Instead of worrying about wars, elections or diplomatic tensions in the abstract, today the focus is on the economic consequences: supply chain disruption, tariffs, protectionism and uncertainty.

As the report puts it: ‘Geoeconomics driven by national interests… is shifting the ways in which businesses, policymakers, and consumers view and plan for their future.’

In other words, it's no longer simply a question of what's happening in the world. It's a question of what those developments mean for the business today, tomorrow and next week. This provides a real opportunity for corporate affairs to provide strategic advice and influence business decision-making.

The perceived risk from AI has also risen sharply, with 44 per cent ranking it as the second biggest risk to business. Yet, somewhat paradoxically, 71 per cent view innovation, digitalisation and AI as the greatest short-term opportunity.

But, as with Deloitte’s recent report, The road to 2030: A study of Corporate Affairs functions in an unpredictable world, there is a catch.

Despite all the excitement, the research suggests few corporate affairs professionals have really moved beyond AI’s most basic applications to ‘fully leverage these technologies for business intelligence, innovation and efficiency’.

In other words, there’s a lot of talk about AI.

But there’s rather less being done with it.

More broadly, echoing Deloitte’s report, the Oxford-GlobeScan tome suggests the current corporate affairs operating model is in need of an overhaul. Three in four respondents believe the function needs to be revised, while 17 per cent think this should be radical.

Those calling for change cite the need for a clearer strategy and focus, alongside improvements in operating models, internal alignment and global-local consistency.

Global-local consistency? I see a workshop on the horizon!

But the message from both reports is clear. Many corporate affairs professionals believe the function is not configured for the world in which it now operates. But recognising the need for change is rather easier than actually making it happen.

Footnote: As luck would have it – call me Mystic Meg – I am planning a session on how today’s corporate affairs function should be structured at the upcoming Corporate Affairs Summit on 7 October at the British Library.

Is AI coming for your job?

I read a tale on LinkedIn this week which may, I concede, be apocryphal. But the gist was that a CEO had decided to do away with a director of communications because, while waiting to recruit a replacement for the previous incumbent, they had dabbled with AI – and thought it did the job rather well.

AI was able to write speeches, press releases and any other content required.

As far as the CEO was concerned, it was a money-saving, no brainer solution.

Cue the inevitable handwringing and gnashing of teeth.

But we do so much more than write, people wailed. We are guardians of reputation. We are strategic advisers. We are crisis experts. We are business partners… and so on.

They all missed the point.

The CEO at the heart of the story hadn’t noticed any of that.

Or, if they had, they had not assigned it any value.

They viewed the comms role as little more than an administrative function.

The real issue was the previous incumbent’s status.

They weren’t a director of communications.

They were, in effect, a copywriter with a glorified title.

Whenever I am asked what holds this function back, I often point to the titles. Two people with the same title can actually have vastly different roles and responsibilities. We’re talking apples and pears while the outside world assumes they’re both Granny Smiths.

I don’t know what the solution is.

But if your value can be replicated by an algorithm trained on the internet, you may not occupy the strategic role that your job title implies.

When comms goes rogue

One of my favourite corporate scandals of recent years has concluded. You may recall the case of Ina and David Steiner, the husband-and-wife publishers of EcommerceBytes, a resource for online merchants.

Back in 2019, Ina Steiner committed the heinous crime of reporting that the remuneration package of the (then) eBay chief executive Devin Wenig amounted to $18 million, 152 times the pay of the company's average employee. This followed several articles she had written criticising eBay’s treatment of sellers.

While the ratio came straight from eBay’s own SEC filing, the company’s (now former) incensed chief communications officer Steve Wymer declared he would ‘crush this lady’. Wenig’s response? ‘Take her down.’

What followed was an attempt by eBay’s Intelligence Unit to intimidate the Steiners, who received cockroaches, fly larvae, a bloody pig mask, a book about surviving the death of a spouse and a funeral wreath in the post. They became the targets of a sustained campaign of cyberstalking.

The Intelligence Unit also posted classified online adverts inviting strangers to the Steiners’ home for s*x. Alas, an attempt to deliver a pig’s foetus faltered after the supplier let them down.

The Not-so-Intelligent Unit’s plan, and I promise I’m not making this up, was to terrorise the Steiners anonymously and then have eBay ride to the rescue, positioning the company as their white knight, thereafter building a warm and fuzzy relationship with the couple, which reads just like a Hallmark movie script.

Back in 2021, the Steiners sued eBay, Wymer and Wenig (whose abrupt departures shortly after the harassment came to light were totally unrelated, honest guv’nor) and seven members of the (stop laughing at the back) Intelligence Unit.

After pleading guilty all seven (blatantly not intelligent) employees received probation or prison sentences of up to 57 months, while eBay paid the statutory maximum penalty of $3 million, having been criminally charged with six felony offences.

But this week, following the conclusion of a civil suit, eBay agreed to pay $46.15 million to the couple, fund $6 million in charitable contributions to non-profit organisations and issue a ‘strongly-worded’ statement about the conduct ​of three former directors, Wymer, Wenig and former SVP of operations Wendy Jones.

That trio have also made payments to the Steiners from their personal accounts, including $3 million ($2 million for the Steiners, $1 million for charity) from Wenig, who described the behaviour as, keep a straight face, ‘antithetical to everything I stand for and believe in’. Wymer had to cough up $50,000.

So what is the lesson for corporate affairs folks? Well, for those muttering that none of this would have happened if comms had a ‘seat at the table’, I should point out that Wymer did… which just goes to show that a twat is a twat no matter where they’re sat.

And the second lesson: culture always comes from the top.

Footnote: If anybody is considering an intimidation campaign against me, please note that I love cockroaches, spiders and pig’s blood. To truly frighten me, send a decent bottle of red.

Hallucinations are nothing new

Long before AI began hallucinating biographical details, journalists occasionally managed it perfectly well themselves. I recall the infamous profile of Sir Peter Middleton that appeared in the Independent on the occasion of his retirement as chairman of Barclays Bank.

Prior to joining Barclays, the patrician Sir Peter had worked at HM Treasury, rising to the rank of Permanent Secretary. In those pre-internet days, journalists relied on their publication’s cutting library and McCarthy Cards, boxes of indexed newspaper articles. Inevitably, a librarian occasionally missed a key article, or a previous user left the McCarthy Cards in the wrong order.

By coincidence, Sir Peter was not the only high-profile Peter Middleton in the City at that time. A former monk (and spy, allegedly), the other Peter Middleton was responsible for turning around Lloyd’s of London, before joining Salomon Brothers as boss of its UK operations.

A chain-smoking, straight-talking, Chelsea-supporting Northerner who rode his motorbike with rock music blaring, he regularly appeared in the tabloids due to his colourful love life.

You can guess what happened in the profile. Apparently, after the initial shock and some explaining to his confused family, Sir Peter framed the offending article and proudly displayed it in the downstairs loo. (Nothing to do with corporate affairs; I just love the story.)

CorpComms Awards

I have fielded countless calls today asking for an extension to today’s deadline for the CorpComms Awards. I will leave the platform open for a little while…